O.O

What is up with today?
When I was talking during Current Events, I thought I was having a panic attack or something.
I always get nervous during Current Events.
But today was the worst by miles.
The first time I talked, which was one sentence, I rushed through it and the nervousness, the shakiness and pounding heart, didn't come on until after.
Which was good.
Until I talked again.
I was getting really nervous then, but I could have gotten through it if I hadn't had to explain myself.
Doug ought to go fuck himself for not getting it the first time.
He ought to go fuck himself anyway.
The asshole.
But like I said, I was going to be okay.
Relatively okay, at least.
Then he didn't get it.
And he told me.
So I tried to explain it.
And my voice started shaking like hell.
It sounded all strained, like I was about to cry.
I didn't feel like I was about to cry, not exactly.
But I had a hell of a time making my voice function through the end of my explanation.
Which seemed to take forever.
I was afraid I was going to dissolve into screaming, moaning, wailing tears for no reason.
Nina was looking at me funny, like she noticed, but maybe she was just looking
at me because I was talking.
Afterwards, my body was in panic mode.
I thought I was going to have to get outside for a minute.
But I breathed hard and crossed my shaking legs and rode it out.
I'm not sure I could have made it to the door anyway.
But I don't know why any of this happened.
None of it ever happened before.
With the exception of the nervousness, shakiness and quickened heartbeat.
And even that was worse today.
What the hell is going on?
Not to mention, I realized something later on that's so creepy I'm not even going to put it here. Not that I have a problem with it.
I just didn't think that was me.
And the way I think about it is just like, O.O.
I wonder what they would do if they found out.
I wonder if it's really true.
I kind of hope not.