Fuck...
Here goes my current train of thought.
Damn, I am so close to crying right now. I can't believe I'm making such a big deal over someone I don't even know IRL. (No offense, Lem.) Shows how fucked I am, how addicted to the Internet I am, how much it's become my life. I miss nice Tay. I haven't seen her in a fuckedly long time. That Tay actually deserved the Bella suffix. Bye bye, Bella. Miss you, you're gone forever. Too bad I'm not made of the right material for you to like me, for me to be your friend. Too bad you're not worth my time for accepting me. No more Bella-ness, no more beauty of Tay-Vi friendship. No more being able to stand the fact that she knows my name. Why can't I make people un-know things? I am so TS right now... I'M CRYING!!!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?!? Ugh. Jesus went to hell in a fast car and I don't believe in him and I have no damned idea why the fucking hell I wrote that. There's only one person in my world who deserves the capital H. He's no god, but that's good, because I like the fact that He exists. (There's no god that exists.) And He does a good job of it, too. But I'm getting off the subject. Not that I ever said there was a subject. But there is! It's me and Tay and the shit we're throwing at each other. I'm trying to get her to put it down, not to forgive or anything, because I won't. But I just want this to stop. We both know it's stupid. Why didn't she put it down in the first place?While I'm on the subject of questions, why the hell do I keep insulting myself? I wish I could psychologize myself. I wish I could psychologize both of us and figure out why the hell this is happening. Oh joy, here come the tears again. Major. STOP IT! I want this to end! Now Lem's mad. I can't take this. More nosiness. I guess we both forced it on her. I can't take this. Why? Why does it matter? I think Lem mattered most. That's where it came from the most. That's good to know, because she DOES matter most. This is hell... I might as well have gone to that dance. I'd be happier, bored or not, and I'd get as much done. (Meaning none.) And I really ought to do stuff now... but I can't, I just can't. I can't do anything but bitch with my cold, hard
words and my fingers. And here comes the coldness. I guess I could close the windows. TOO MUCH TO DO! And I just can't do it. Why did you all have to do this to me? You betrayed me! See what the Internet can do? Forge false friendships so you can cry when they hit the rocks and the rest come crashing down with them. More opportunity for you to get mad at everyone, naturally, it was invented by humans, it's used by humans, I'm human, naturally we're all evil. We question good and evil but there's no question about it. Every single one of us is fucking evil. Why else would we hurt so much? And why does the fucking Kelly Clarkson song on the radio right now describe my mood so fucking well? Love, love, someone love me before I die of hate. This contagious disease infecting the human race. Ugh. She just PMed me. For the last time,
because I told her I wouldn't reply no matter what. Not that I'd speak my mind anyway. She was too wrong. I can't believe I saved it, but I did. Now I'm having trouble breathing. At its worst. It's been going on since this started. A symptom of hate. I hate her. Good night, Tay, I hate you. I hope you know.
NOTE: We both felt really bad after this and eventually made up, and are now closer than ever. <3333
Damn, I am so close to crying right now. I can't believe I'm making such a big deal over someone I don't even know IRL. (No offense, Lem.) Shows how fucked I am, how addicted to the Internet I am, how much it's become my life. I miss nice Tay. I haven't seen her in a fuckedly long time. That Tay actually deserved the Bella suffix. Bye bye, Bella. Miss you, you're gone forever. Too bad I'm not made of the right material for you to like me, for me to be your friend. Too bad you're not worth my time for accepting me. No more Bella-ness, no more beauty of Tay-Vi friendship. No more being able to stand the fact that she knows my name. Why can't I make people un-know things? I am so TS right now... I'M CRYING!!!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?!? Ugh. Jesus went to hell in a fast car and I don't believe in him and I have no damned idea why the fucking hell I wrote that. There's only one person in my world who deserves the capital H. He's no god, but that's good, because I like the fact that He exists. (There's no god that exists.) And He does a good job of it, too. But I'm getting off the subject. Not that I ever said there was a subject. But there is! It's me and Tay and the shit we're throwing at each other. I'm trying to get her to put it down, not to forgive or anything, because I won't. But I just want this to stop. We both know it's stupid. Why didn't she put it down in the first place?While I'm on the subject of questions, why the hell do I keep insulting myself? I wish I could psychologize myself. I wish I could psychologize both of us and figure out why the hell this is happening. Oh joy, here come the tears again. Major. STOP IT! I want this to end! Now Lem's mad. I can't take this. More nosiness. I guess we both forced it on her. I can't take this. Why? Why does it matter? I think Lem mattered most. That's where it came from the most. That's good to know, because she DOES matter most. This is hell... I might as well have gone to that dance. I'd be happier, bored or not, and I'd get as much done. (Meaning none.) And I really ought to do stuff now... but I can't, I just can't. I can't do anything but bitch with my cold, hard
words and my fingers. And here comes the coldness. I guess I could close the windows. TOO MUCH TO DO! And I just can't do it. Why did you all have to do this to me? You betrayed me! See what the Internet can do? Forge false friendships so you can cry when they hit the rocks and the rest come crashing down with them. More opportunity for you to get mad at everyone, naturally, it was invented by humans, it's used by humans, I'm human, naturally we're all evil. We question good and evil but there's no question about it. Every single one of us is fucking evil. Why else would we hurt so much? And why does the fucking Kelly Clarkson song on the radio right now describe my mood so fucking well? Love, love, someone love me before I die of hate. This contagious disease infecting the human race. Ugh. She just PMed me. For the last time,
because I told her I wouldn't reply no matter what. Not that I'd speak my mind anyway. She was too wrong. I can't believe I saved it, but I did. Now I'm having trouble breathing. At its worst. It's been going on since this started. A symptom of hate. I hate her. Good night, Tay, I hate you. I hope you know.
NOTE: We both felt really bad after this and eventually made up, and are now closer than ever. <3333
posted by Llady Llama @ 10:33 PM
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